Power Of Not Reacting | Flow Of Wu Wei
Know What You Can Control
Having worries? You’re not alone.
Even the most powerful, be they a king or queen, have their share of worries. The secret to maintaining peace of mind lies not in avoiding worries but in refusing to let worries control you.
A powerful way to do this is by “not reacting,” a technique we will explore in the next few minutes.
This approach is found in several ancient classics. Among them is the Tao Te Ching, written by Lao Tzu 2,500 years ago and considered one of the wisest books ever written.
Before going into details, let’s ensure we are on the same page.
Where do you get worries from?
We worry about all sorts of things. They can be about health, money, relationships, or careers. They can also be related to safety, the environment, social justice, life purpose, and death. The list goes on.
I don’t know whether you have noticed it, but whatever worries you have, they all have one thing in common. What do you think it is?
Well, it’s control.
You have worries because you don’t have control.
If things are under control, you can find a solution and stop worrying about them. But when you have no control and keep thinking about it, worries arise.
This explains why, no matter how powerful or wealthy you are, you are bound to have worries, that is because life itself is full of things that are beyond your control anyway.
This is where the technique of not reacting comes in handy.
But how do you go about it? To explain how the technique works, let’s begin with a story.
Wu Wei Master’s Advice
Once upon a time, a disciple asked his Master, “How should I react when people talk evil about me?”
Instead of answering, the Master asks, “Imagine that someone gives you a gift, and you refuse to receive it; where will that gift be?”
“It remains with the giver,” says the disciple.
“So, you have a choice. You can accept the gift and let it be with you, or choose not to take it so it remains in the giver’s hands.”
If things are within your control, you can choose to react to it. Do something.
But what if it is beyond your control? Don’t be dragged into it. You can’t improve any control by reacting. The reaction is meaningless and redundant. It is a wasteful effort.
What’s more? You get frustrated and begin to worry. It doubles your loss.
A more constructive approach is to refrain from reacting. Let the “gift” stay in the hands of the giver.
Let’s say you are eager to go home but are trapped in the airport because of bad weather, and there is nothing you can do about it —any reaction, whether anger or frustration, can’t improve the situation. So, don’t react to it.
Instead, shift your attention and energy to something you can control, like reading a book.
It is a practice of Wu Wei as taught by Lao Tzu, which literally means not doing.
I know what you may be thinking.
Not reacting is powerful, but it is easier said than done. As human beings, it is natural that we react to things. It is difficult not to feel frustrated when stuck in the airport, right?
Even if we can do it once, it doesn’t mean we can do it consistently. You may successfully refrain from reacting now, but when similar occasions arise, you may start to react – and begin the vicious cycle.
For that, we must take another step: Find the triggers.
Know the Triggers
Knowing the triggers that cause the reaction helps you practice not reacting.
The better your clarity about the triggers, the more effective you are in preventing reactions from arising and the more successful you are in eliminating worries.
Snip it in time when you feel a trigger is about to arise. Then, you would react less and have more peace.
As a guide, here are three of the most common triggers: desires, anger, and overthinking.
Desires:
If you identify the trigger as desire, learn to set realistic expectations. Avoid striving for perfection and detach from outcomes. Cultivate gratitude to shift your focus away from what you don’t have and towards what you do have.
Managing your desires reduces the incidence of reacting in situations when things are beyond your control.
Anger:
Another common trigger is anger.
If anger triggers your worries, be aware of the situations or people that tend to trigger your anger. This will help you anticipate and manage your emotional responses.
Pay attention to the physical sensations accompanying your anger, such as increased heart rate, tense muscles, or difficulty breathing. When you feel your anger is about to happen, calm down before it triggers your reaction.
Overthinking
Of the three triggers, overthinking is the most tricky. Desire and anger can subside quickly, but overthinking can continue for days or years. It is also the one that is most likely to develop into depression.
You worry about things that are yet to happen or are not even going to happen.
When you sense that you are overthinking, jump out of the loop.
Once you understand the triggers, you may be surprised at how meaningless your worries have been.
Improving your ability not to react brings you peace of mind and positions you to enjoy a more fulfilling and rewarding life.
Put it to work now. I’m sure you’ll be happy with the result.
